He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
