the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
