Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fuck appropriateness.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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