Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
