I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
