and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
