I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
