So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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