I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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