His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
