just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
