wanna go halves on a baby?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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