why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
