I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
