You're completely useless in the revolution.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
