I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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