And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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