I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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