after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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