That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
