Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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