How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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