...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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