I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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