She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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