if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
