I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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