so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
