she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
