Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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