so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
