So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize