My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
