I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
