i was born a porn star she said
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
