Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, itβs Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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