Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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