I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
