I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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