I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
