So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
