I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
