would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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