I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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