God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
