I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
