He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize