I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
