She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
