this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
