I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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