so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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