Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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