he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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