you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
