Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
