If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
