I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
