she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
