so that wasnt chicken after all
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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