Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
