she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
