I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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