I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
