I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there is glitter all over my balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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