I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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