I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is classic penis vs brain.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
