Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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