a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
