well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Come on in and take your pants off
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