I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize