She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
