dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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